


Leading

by hondansadeensommar



Series: Multifandom Hurt/Comfort Oneshots [22]
Category: Produce 101 (TV), Produce X 101 (TV), UNIQ (Band), UP10TION, VICTON (Band), X1 (Band)
Genre: Depression, Eating Disorders, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Medication, Mental Health Issues, Mentioned Purging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-12 12:02:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19945840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hondansadeensommar/pseuds/hondansadeensommar
Summary: Seungwoo wasn’t sure how he was going to do it.





	Leading

Seungwoo wasn’t sure how he was going to do it.How he was going to slip back into the role of a leader for a group of so many young, new boys.Because “boys” is the most accurate term he could use to describe the majority of his new group members - more than half of them were under nineteen, meaning that he was a full eight years older than their group’s “middle child.”The idea that he was a full decade older than their _maknae_ was still something he had yet to wrap his head around.

There were some positives: he had Dongpyo, whom he had essentially adopted from day one.The kid could be a brat, but they had built a rapport over the past few months and Seungwoo knew that he could count on the younger man to be serious when necessary.Yohan was inexperienced and still lacking in many ways, but their center had the discipline and talent to make up for what he didn’t already know.Hyungjun, Minhee, Junho, and Eunsang had all grown so much over the course of the show, and they were kind and hardworking kids.Dohyun was incredibly skilled and talented for someone so young, and Seungwoo felt certain that with the right guidance the boy would easily excel.

Hangyul had basically adopted Dohyun before the show even started, taking the _maknae_ under his wing while they were both training at MBK and easily taking on the big brother role for many other young trainees during the show.The fact that Hangyul had some experience with working in the industry - albeit not as much as the older debuted trainees - was a comfort to Seungwoo as well because that was one less person he would have to guide through the incredibly difficult transition from trainee to debuted Idol.While the show was a fairly close approximation of what it was like to be a full-time working Idol, there was really nothing that could prepare the rookies for what it would be like to actually debut, and they only had a little over a month to prepare.Seungyoun was someone that Seungwoo felt he could count on; the younger man was another veteran of the industry, and he had proven himself as a leader over the course of the show.Although Seungwoo had been the group’s first choice to be leader, Seungwoo knew that Seungyoun would have easily slid into that spot if it had been necessary, and that the younger man would have excelled as leader if he had been chosen instead.There was a reason he had gotten Seungwoo’s vote.

Then, there was Wooseok.

Wooseok was the member that worried Seungwoo the most.It was hardly the younger man’s fault; Wooseok had explained a lot of things to Seungwoo when it had become apparent that they were likely to debut together in the final group, and Seungwoo was thankful for the information Wooseok - and later Jinhyuk, who had joined them for a second, more in-depth conversation the day before the finale - had shared with him about what was going on.But while he was glad that he _knew_ the information, it certainly didn’t change the fact that he felt as though he needed to watch Wooseok that much more closely.

Some of what they had talked about wasn’t new information for Seungwoo; he had seen the scandal happen, and he knew that Wooseok and his company had been very open that his hiatus was for mental health reasons.Seungwoo had also vaguely been aware that there were some issues regarding food, given the fact that Jinhyuk had asked him not to let Wooseok be alone after meals when they had been working on the Concept Evaluations.But now he was privy to the full extent of what was going on, Seungwoo couldn’t help worrying about whether or not he would really be able to keep the younger man safe.

When they’d sat down to talk, Seungwoo had thought it would just be for his information, and that they would have Jinhyuk with them to help keep an eye out for any issues.Almost everyone in the final twenty had assumed that Jinhyuk’s spot in the final lineup was secured after being in second and third place in the last two eliminations.It wasn’t until Seungwoo had witnessed Wooseok’s breakdown on stage, caught live on camera for the whole world to see, that it had really hit Seungwoo that their assumptions had been wrong and it was now solely his responsibility to keep an eye on the younger vocalist.Even if Jinhyuk had been a finalist for the X, he had started off too low on the pyramid and hadn’t gotten enough screen time in the broadcasts until it was too late.Even being the National Producer Representative’s favorite hadn’t been enough to save him from elimination.

“It’s Monday,” Seungwoo commented softly, leaning against the door frame of the bedroom he shared with Wooseok and Junho in their new dorm.It was their first Monday living together as a team, which meant it was the first time that Seungwoo would have to be the one to make the younger man stand on a scale and weigh himself, to make sure that they hadn’t missed any issues with his eating habits in the previous week.Seungwoo was just thankful that Junho was still dead to the world, even after he had climbed out of bed early to wash his face and wake himself up enough to deal with this first as a leader.

“Yeah…” Wooseok replied, slipping off the hoodie he’d slept in before putting on his glasses.“Let’s get it over with, then.Before the whole dorm wakes up.”

It had been one of Wooseok’s requests - that the others not know the whole story, at least not at first.Wooseok wanted to be the one the tell his story on his own terms, and he didn’t want the _maknae_ line or Yohan to know any more than was absolutely necessary until after their debut.So they had agreed that they would both get up fifteen minutes earlier than necessary on Mondays, just so that they could get the weigh-ins over with without the prying eyes of the other members.Wooseok had also been adamant that he wasn’t allowed to know the number, and that Seungwoo couldn’t tell him unless he was dangerously underweight.

“I’m down, right?” Wooseok asked, after he’d given their bathroom scale a chance to register his current weight and Seungwoo had typed the information into his phone.

“Not enough to worry about,” Seungwoo replied, covering the number with his foot as Wooseok stepped off the scale so that the younger man wouldn’t be tempted to look.“Why did you think you would be down?”

“Last week was rough,” Wooseok admitted, sighing.Seungwoo nodded, reaching out to put an arm around Wooseok’s shoulders and pull him into a hug.“It’s going to be the longest I’ve ever been without any of my members since I first met them… even when I was on hiatus, I was still able to see them pretty much whenever I wanted.I haven’t been completely without them in so long…”

“I know…” Seungwoo began.He understood completely, because he was in the same boat.“But we’re going to get through it together, right?We’ve got each other.”

Seungwoo could feel Wooseok’s body relax at the reminder that he wasn’t the only one in that position - that there was someone else who understood him.“Yeah, _hyung_.At least we still have each other,” Wooseok replied.

“Come on… I’m going to make coffee for us adults, before we have to start waking up all of the kids,” Seungwoo commented, gently pushing Wooseok out of the bathroom and towards the kitchen.

“I’m going to go ahead and get dressed,” Wooseok replied, heading back towards his room.“We have dance classes first, right?”

“No… dance isn’t until this afternoon.You and Hangyul both have appointments this morning,” Seungwoo replied.

“Right… I forgot,” Wooseok commented, closing his eyes.“I’d rather spend the whole day dancing…”

“But you need to go,” Seungwoo reminded softly, as he could hear people starting to stir in one of the other bedrooms.“You said last week was rough.It’s better to stay on top of things, rather than trying to fix a bigger issue later, right?”Seungwoo watched as Wooseok nodded slowly.“We’ll be doing dance training all afternoon… you won’t get pulled for your weight.As long as you eat, we get to keep it between us a little longer.”

Wooseok turned suddenly at the sound of one of the other bedroom doors opening.“I’m going to go get dressed,” he commented, heading back into the room he and Seungwoo shared with Seungyoun as Yohan shuffled out into the hallway.

Seungwoo nodded, watching Wooseok for a brief moment before Yohan spoke up.“What’s going on?” Yohan asked.

“Nothing… just talking,” Seungwoo replied, shaking his head.

“Is Wooseok- _hyung_ okay?” Yohan asked.

“He’s fine,” Seungwoo replied, heading towards the kitchen with Yohan starting to follow him.“I’m making coffee…”

“ _Hyung_ … I’m not blind, you know,” Yohan pressed, as Seungwoo grabbed a bottle of water and opened up the bottle of vitamins he took every morning to try and avoid getting sick as much as possible.“Is Wooseok- _hyung_ anorexic or something?”

Seungwoo nearly choked on his vitamin at the younger man’s words.“What makes you think that?” Seungwoo asked, doing his best to avoid making it obvious that Yohan was on the right track with his suspicions.

“For starters, no one ever leaves him alone after meals,” Yohan replied.“I noticed it during the show… any time we ate, he couldn’t even go to the bathroom without someone else following him.And he is really skinny…”

“He isn’t that skinny,” Seungwoo replied, shaking his head as he went to start the first pot of coffee for the group.

“You were weighing him this morning, weren’t you?” Yohan asked.

Seungwoo didn’t respond, focusing on the coffee.“What should we make for breakfast?” he asked.

“You’re deflecting…” Yohan began.

“It’s not my place to talk about it.If Seokie wants you to know, he’ll tell you,” Seungwoo replied.“All you need to know right now is that he’s safe, and I know exactly what’s going on.Beyond that, you have to talk to him.”

***

Seungwoo collapsed onto the floor, closing his eyes for a moment as they took a break.He had known going into their choreography session that it was going to be tough; Seungwoo had seen the level of talent he was working with, and that his dance skills were still a bit lacking compared to many of his younger members.He and his members had always focused on the music - their vocals, their rapping - moreso than their dancing, and it meant that his dancing still wasn’t as clean and controlled as what he saw in the mirror from Seungyoun, Wooseok, and Hangyul.Even Dongpyo and Hyungjun’s dancing was at least on par with his own, if not better.And so Seungwoo found himself pushing harder than was probably necessary to make sure that he didn’t embarrass his members when they debuted.

“Does anyone have any moleskin?I think I’m getting a blister…” Dongpyo muttered.

“I think I have some in my bag,” Wooseok replied.

Seungwoo sat up as Seungyoun handed him a bottle of water, uncapping it and taking a long, slow sip.“Thanks…”

“ _Hyung_ … what is this?”Seungwoo turned at Dongpyo’s question, seeing the pharmacy bag in the boy’s hand.“You aren’t sick, are you?”

Seungwoo turned to look at Wooseok, who clearly hadn’t realized that Dongpyo was going to go into his bag so quickly.“Put it back, Dongpyo- _ah_ ,” Seungwoo commented softly, knowing that Wooseok was trying to figure out how to respond to the younger man.

“You’re okay, right, Wooseok- _hyung_?” Dongpyo asked, even as he put the bag back in Wooseok’s backpack.

“I’m fine,” Wooseok replied, as he got up and made his way across the room to dig through the bag and find what Dongpyo needed himself.“The moleskin should be in the little front pocket… here.”Seungwoo watched the younger boy take the little pouch from Wooseok.“We’ll talk about it later, yeah?Fix your blister, we still have a lot of dancing to do today.”

Seungwoo watched as Wooseok closed his bag, grabbing his water bottle and heading out of the room.Seungyoun started to follow, until Seungwoo stopped him.“I’ve got it…” he replied, shaking his head as he got up and went out into the hall as well.

Thankfully, Wooseok hadn’t gone far; he was just ducking into the bathroom at the end of the hall as Seungwoo exited their practice room.Seungwoo followed him into the bathroom quietly, unsure of what he would find on the other side of the door.Thankfully, Wooseok was just leaning against the wall, with his eyes closed.“I’m fine…”

“You escaped to the bathroom…” Seungwoo reminded him.

“I just need a minute,” Wooseok replied, shaking his head.“Fuck… I have to tell them…”

“You don’t have to explain anything that makes you uncomfortable,” Seungwoo reassured him, moving to put a hand on the younger man’s shoulder.“You should know that Yohan- _ah_ is suspicious… he asked me this morning if you were anorexic.”

“Fuck…” Wooseok replied, sighing and closing his eyes.“I didn’t want to burden them with this.It’s bad enough that you have to deal with all of this shit, too.”

“You know that I’m here for you,” Seungwoo replied, looking up as the bathroom door opened and Dohyun peeked his head in.“Break’s over?”

“Choreographer- _nim_ is getting upset…” Dohyun replied.

“We’re coming,” Wooseok replied, standing up and starting out of the bathroom.

Seungwoo stopped Wooseok for just a moment.“Hey… it’s your story to tell, okay.If you aren’t ready, I’ll stop the conversation before it even starts.You just have to tell me what you want me to do.”

Wooseok nodded, sighing.“I’ll let you know, yeah?”

Seungwoo nodded, letting the younger man lead the way back to their rehearsal room.

***

“So… I guess we need to talk about it,” Wooseok commented as they all sat in a circle on the floor of their practice room, food spread out between all of them so that they could eat dinner before getting in a few more hours of work.“Some of you guys know that I took time off a couple of years ago for mental health reasons.I left UP10TION so that I could get help, because everyone around me could see that I was struggling.I was depressed, and I was having panic attacks multiple times a day.I wasn’t eating, and I was throwing up most of what I did eat, and I was hiding it from everyone.”

Seungwoo watched as Hyungjun moved to press himself against Wooseok’s side, taking the vocalist’s hand and squeezing it gently.“It’s okay, _hyung_ ,” the boy commented softly.Seungwoo was thankful for the younger man, given the fact that he was on the far side of their circle.

“I wasn’t going to tell you guys until after we debuted,” Wooseok commented, not looking up from the floor in front of him, even as he let his head rest against Hyungjun’s as they sat there.“I’m okay right now.Stable.I still have things that I’m working on with my therapist, and I’m switching antidepressants because the last few months have been kind of rough.But I’ve only purged once since I came back from hiatus over a year ago, and that was at the training center.Which is why Seungwoo- _hyung_ doesn’t leave me alone after meals… although I guess now it doesn’t _have_ to be him.It’s a lot harder to purge if I’m not alone, so when things are bad I can’t even go to the bathroom by myself for at least two hours after meals.”

“But that doesn’t stop you from restricting…” Yohan began.

“That’s why I’m supposed to weigh him,” Seungwoo replied, hoping to take at least some of the pressure off of Wooseok.“As long as he stays at a healthy weight, it’s once a week.And right now, he’s fine… I just weighed him this morning, and I’m not worried.”

“And if he starts to lose too much weight?” Minhee asked.“Then what happens?”

“There’s an emergency plan in place,” Seungwoo replied.“Worst case scenario, he can be pulled from promotions.”

“But that isn’t going to happen,” Wooseok added.“That’s part of the reason for the medication… I’m more likely to restrict or purge when my depression and anxiety aren’t under control.Hence the medication Dongpyo- _ah_ found in my bag.I had an appointment with a psychiatrist this morning, and those are my new antidepressants.The medication I was on during the show hasn’t really been working all that well - we decided this morning that it was better to switch medications completely rather than just increasing the dose, so I had to get a whole new package.”

“So… what happens now?” Eunsang asked.

“The same thing that would happen if we hadn’t just had this conversation,” Seungwoo replied.“We finish dinner, Seokie takes his medication, and then we get back to work like we’d originally planned.”

“If there’s something you want to know, you can ask me… I know that it’s kind of a lot to take in all at once,” Wooseok added.“I really am okay.”

“And if you’re worried about something, you can always bring it to me if you aren’t sure how to handle it,” Seungwoo added.

There was a short silence, before Hangyul cleared his throat.“I, uh… I should probably tell you guys that I’m on antidepressants, too,” the younger man commented.“I just started them during the show… apparently being abandoned can really screw with your brain chemistry, so yeah.You aren’t alone.”

Seungwoo nodded slowly, surprised to know that the dancer was also on medication.He couldn’t help noticing the way Dohyun moved closer to Hangyul, rubbing his back in a comforting gesture.“But you’re doing okay, right?” Seungyoun asked softly.

Hangyul nodded.“Yeah… the headaches sucked at first, but I feel a lot better since they started working.Better than I have for years,” Hangyul admitted.

“Okay… maybe we need to get to know each other a little better…”


End file.
